HOW TO KEEP THE LOVE ALIVE POST BABY
After the initial “falling in love” phase ends, most relationhips settle into reality and routine, and many end altogether. Add to the mix the stress of having a baby, (the sleepless nights, resentment, constant bickering on how to raise your child, etc.) and it becomes all the more difficult to feel the love. There are few things worse for a child’s psyche than an unhappy marriage or an absent parent.
As for most new parents, my priority is the overall well-being of my child. That includes feeding her, comforting her and providing a loving home. Nurturing the relationship with your partner is one of the most important things you can do for a baby (and for the couple!), but unfortunately it is often the most neglected. Here’s how to change that and to keep the spark alive, with or without baby:
To love is a choice, and the initial spontaneous “in-love” feelings always fade. It takes energy and effort to keep the love alive after this initial phase ends. I’ve just finishing reading The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman, which explains that each of us feels and expresses love through different “languages” and the key to creating lasting love is to understand our partner’s and our own primary love language. The key to a loving relationship is to speak the same love language. Makes sense, right? It’s pretty hard to communicate if you don’t speak the same language.
So what are the 5 love languages? 1) Words of Affirmation, 2) Quality Time, 3) Receiving Gifts, 4) Acts of Service, 5) Physical Touch. I’ve discovered that my primary love language is Words of Affirmation and then a close second is Acts of Service. What does that mean? When my husband tells me that he appreciates me, that he’s proud of me and then also washes the dishes and takes out the trash, I feel most loved and am most willing to give love back. But I have to remember that I need to speak his love language back. What does my husband respond to most? Physical touch and a close second is quality time.
What’s your partner’s love language? Find out and learn to speak it!